about to break

it's been a while since i have fill in the details of what's happening to me right now. i used to do this with my other blogs but currently, i find no time to do that, until now. maybe because this is my only way of expressing what i truly feel. this is my sole escape from the harsh world, my sole redemption.

i am deeply hurt right now but not as much as i've hurt my significant other. lately, i've been struggling to keep up with my life...trying so hard to balance everything and put it on it's rightful places. yet, every time i do so, i keep on failing to keep up with the other parts. maybe because life is not at all equal, something has to fall in order for the other to rise. tsk...tsk...tsk...currently, that's what's going on in my life right now. i'm pretty much messed up, to make things worst, i am the reason to every bit of it. all the fingers point back to me. i am responsible for this struggle i put myself into. it is all because of me. am i undergoing self pity? nah, i think i'm not. i've just realized, i am responsible to everything that's happening to me. it's all my doings, therefore, it's all my fault.

as i am trying to balance my life, little did i know, i kept my relationship with my significant other unbalanced. blind as i was, it was until today that i've realized i have a lot of things to make up with him. time, effort, patience, trust, those sort of things. yes, i ruined our relationship. sadly, it's now falling apart. i made a mistake of lying to him, which he then eventually found out at the end of the day. darn, why did i have to lie to him? my mistake, i know. blame me all you want. i perfectly know my mistake. and i am really sorry for what i've done. yet, i think sorry doesn't make it anymore. he doesn't believe anymore, doesn't even know if what i've told him that i don't wanna lose him is true. haay...now, he didn't respond to my text already. the communication has been cut. what should i do?i really don't know. i am ashamed of what i have done and the problem is, i don't know how to approach him anymore. (sniff. sniff)