hard as a rock

These past few days, a test was handed to us by teacher life. Something that shook us yet composed us in a way that it's all intact. It was a difficult test which we almost failed because it involves other people. Fortunately, my significant other and I passed it all and got a passing mark in the end.

My relationship with my significant other has been put to a test (a lot difficult than the last one). It didn't involve lame excuses this time. However, it involved other people who I barely knew. It shook the best of what we had that time and I could say that it almost put an end to the chapter of the book we both are currently sharing, as well as, writing. Ooops...I know you're quite intrigued about this issue, but I would rather not tell because I think it's best to bury it all in the past. After all, my significant other and I are currently moving on from that issue.

It's nice to know that jealousy didn't overrule our love for each other. Lucky for me that he's in love with me and would go an extra mile just to keep me. I love knowing that and I also love seeing him prove it all to me. It's not that I, myself, am putting some so-called test to prove my worth to him, but it's way too obvious and needless to say, I don't need to do that anymore. Why? It's because everything is laid out in front of me. I know right from the very start he loves me and will always love me till hell gives a chill.

Right now, everything runs smoothly between us. We are, again, patching things up and filling in the holes that were made during those days of thorns. I am happy to know that we're slowly getting back to the normal pace of our relationship - focused and very determined to share a life and love together for the rest of our lives.

Yes, you didn't get me wrong. We are focused and very determined to have a future together. In fact, we already have planned things out. We'll work abroad, build a house, and buy a car. If everything is satisfied, then, a higher kind of relationship shall take place but if one thing is missing, we'll remain this way. We both agreed that if we can't be stable, we can't reach the higher level which both of us look upon in the near future. That is why, as of now, we're both busy building our own careers.

glued still

i don't wanna go...i don't wanna leave...so i'll stay the rest of my life.

i thought it's going to break. i though it's going to fall apart; it's nice to know it's glued still. Yeah, I really thought our relationship had come at the end of the line. Luckily, it didn't. We're still together now and seems like nothing has happened. He must have really loved me for in the end, he still accepted me as me, understood and loved my flaws.

After we had that fight, where I thought it's going to break, my significant other and I talked. Yeah, he was hurt and for a moment didn't know if he's still going to believe me. But at the end, he confessed that he can't afford to lose me. (lucky me!) He told me he loves me still and nothing has changed. He still won't leave me just because of that lame lie. His love for me is enough for him to stay and accept the consequences that lies ahead. Quite mushy, eh? Well, maybe that's just how love works. It's mushy but it somehow makes me happy. =)

Recently, we're patching things up and making it work again. Honestly, everything that happens in our relationship is all my fault. Why? Let's just say I'm a brat to him. He gives me what I want, follow everything I say (that is, if it's reasonable), understands me, never complains if I'm in a worst mood ever, and loves me for who I am and who I am not. But, he also scolds me especially when I go beyond the limit, tries to educate me on the value of money, helping me save and corrects me in every mistake I commit. In short, he somehow disciplines me and helps me to think maturely. haha!

For the love of writing

I can't believe my mom actually told almost everyone about this blog (yes, you...i know my mom told you to visit this site and read what i have to write..hehe)! She recently told me that she told her friends, co-employee, my relatives, etc about it. aaaaahhhhhhh!!! What a great way to kill myself for embarrassment!haha! Anyway, if you love to read my blog, be my guest. Welcome to my little "writing" world. And Ma, I know you're proud of me, but you're killing me with embarrassment...hahaha! Thanks a lot for supporting my blog, Ma!

something unexpected

i have been writing for years right now. blogging has become my hobby. yet, for years in blogging, something unexpected happened. just this morning, my mom told me that she read my blog postings (blushing). errr! i didn't expect she would come across my blog for i didn't even tell my friends about it. it's somehow personal, but, guess what? it's not anymore. hahaha! but then again, it's okay. at least, in a way i can ease her boredom away. hehe!

it's friday evening, thank god! work has become a bit stressful this week knowing that i should beat the deadlines and satisfy the needs of every client i have. that's why, i love friday because by saturday, i can wake up as late as i want to. stay in bed, eat and be lazy for two days.

about to break

it's been a while since i have fill in the details of what's happening to me right now. i used to do this with my other blogs but currently, i find no time to do that, until now. maybe because this is my only way of expressing what i truly feel. this is my sole escape from the harsh world, my sole redemption.

i am deeply hurt right now but not as much as i've hurt my significant other. lately, i've been struggling to keep up with my life...trying so hard to balance everything and put it on it's rightful places. yet, every time i do so, i keep on failing to keep up with the other parts. maybe because life is not at all equal, something has to fall in order for the other to rise. tsk...tsk...tsk...currently, that's what's going on in my life right now. i'm pretty much messed up, to make things worst, i am the reason to every bit of it. all the fingers point back to me. i am responsible for this struggle i put myself into. it is all because of me. am i undergoing self pity? nah, i think i'm not. i've just realized, i am responsible to everything that's happening to me. it's all my doings, therefore, it's all my fault.

as i am trying to balance my life, little did i know, i kept my relationship with my significant other unbalanced. blind as i was, it was until today that i've realized i have a lot of things to make up with him. time, effort, patience, trust, those sort of things. yes, i ruined our relationship. sadly, it's now falling apart. i made a mistake of lying to him, which he then eventually found out at the end of the day. darn, why did i have to lie to him? my mistake, i know. blame me all you want. i perfectly know my mistake. and i am really sorry for what i've done. yet, i think sorry doesn't make it anymore. he doesn't believe anymore, doesn't even know if what i've told him that i don't wanna lose him is true. haay...now, he didn't respond to my text already. the communication has been cut. what should i do?i really don't know. i am ashamed of what i have done and the problem is, i don't know how to approach him anymore. (sniff. sniff)

school blues

I have been out of school for months now; 3 months to be exact. Maybe that's why I am still not accustomed to what I have in my life right now. Every weekdays, I pass by Xavier University and every time I do, I can't deny the feeling I feel that i miss...

...the security guards that I sometimes fight with in order to get inside the campus.
...fooling the security guards, assuring them that I am wearing the right dress code though I'm sometimes guilty about it. (hehe)
...those times when I wake up and quite shocked with the time since I know I am going to be late for class.
...those times when I leave the house with an empty stomach just because I have an early exam.
...those long lines I engage myself into for the fact that I need to be enrolled, to pay the tuition fees, to have my subject loads, have an evaluation and to get the marks I have for the semester.
...those times when my heart is pounding so fast, afraid that a disgracing F would appear on my sheet.
...the jokes we used to have, saying that what an expensive paper it is, for us to pay 2,600 and that is, the green form used for our enrollment.
...the fights with the student volunteers for failing to call our priority numbers at our sbm building.
...those days when I used to hang out at timber or sit around the benches chatting the afternoon away even if I know my class is going on while I am by standing on the area.
...the lame reason I usually have when my classmates would ask me why I enjoy skipping class (what's the purpose of my allowable absences if I won't use it?)
...the endless waiting for my next allowance to arrive.
...the twice a year visit at the library to get my clearance be signed.
...those times when I sit at the corner of the room pretending that I am listening to the discussion when in fact, I am really not.
...the sufferings I had during those grueling and boring subjects.
...the weird philosophy teacher I had.
...those times when I cram for exams and get surprised to get a passing mark.
...those times when I join in with a crowd just to buy orbitz.
...the covacho I used to drink.
...the professors which some of them I hate while some I like.
...those classmates who asks for answers from me without them knowing, I, too doesn't have one.
...the projects, may it be a group or individual, were made the day before the submission.
...those times when I attend a class and get surprise because a quiz is going to take place.
...those subjects I had surprisingly passed though I didn't put an effort on it.
...the thesis, those system we used to make, the reaction papers, and the reflection papers
...the recollections and retreat where the coordinators would hope that at the end, they have enlighten us in some ways.
...the different classmates I had which became good friends of mine through out my entire college life.
...the fun times, the outings, the skipping of classes, the bottles they used to empty when problems shook the best of them and I, on the other hand just sit with them and watch them drink the liquor away promising myself to never ever do the same thing.
...by standing at computer cafes

AND i do believe it boils down to one thing...i just miss my school days.

letting go

The only thing in this world that is left constant is change.

I have been living my life for 20 short years already and as I have been living it the way I have want it, I have come to realize that the essential part of growing up is to let go. No matter how we are attached to a thing, at some point in our lives we need to let go and let things be that way. Why? Maybe because in this world, we own nothing. Nothing in the sense that even though you have taken care of that thing all your life, one day you'll wake up and face reality that the thing you most cared about is gone. See? That's just how it goes. We need to let go and eventually learn.

On my account, I have let go of a lot of things in my life already. However, I know what I have let go won't be enough to attest that I have been matured, learned and understood the most complex thing, life. I am still young, I know, yet I also know that somehow I am beginning to understand that when something closes, an opening awaits somewhere. And I also believe that everything happens for a reason.

For example, I have closed the door of earning a bachelor's degree and now, I am opening the door of working. I have let go of a guy and guess what, I have met a new wonderful guy I have been spending my life for a year now! I have let go of accountancy and here I am showing to the world my analysis skills for the web. See? We have to let go in order to earn more.

Yet, why does letting go hurts when we know that in the end it could benefit us? Why does letting go seems to be so hard and learning seems to be so easy?tsk..tsk...tsk...life..so complex yet so wonderful.